


I’ll be your shadow if you’ll be my light

by WynterRobin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 10:41:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13856130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WynterRobin/pseuds/WynterRobin
Summary: Sirius is always worried about his friend during the full moon, but he didn’t remember feeling this much anxiety about it before. Maybe it was because of how long it had been since he’d last been around Remus during the full moon, or maybe it was because he felt guilty for not noticing, but now that he knows, Sirius can’t stop thinking about it. The thought that Remus was hurting made his chest ache weirdly, and Sirius rubs at his shirt uncomfortably as he tears his eyes away from his friend.Or, in which Remus being injured leads to a really overprotective Sirius.





	I’ll be your shadow if you’ll be my light

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thanks to my beta [unicornsandphoenix](http://archiveofourown.org/users/unicornsandphoenix), without whom this would have been absolute rubbish. You’re a lifesaver. <3

They’ve been back in school for a few weeks when it happens. Sirius had been poking fun at James, calling him a “Lily Livered Loverboy,” (which he had found to be quite ingenious himself) and James had pounced on him, indignant and determined to defend his honor.

They’re scuffling on the floor, breathless with laughter, Peter hanging off the edge of the bed and egging them on when Remus slams his book shut. He’s been quiet all day. Sirius had assumed they had a test coming up that he hadn’t bothered to remember, what with how Remus hadn’t looked up from his Ancient Runes book since they came up from supper. He did so now, however, to fix them with a glare, and Sirius frowns. Had those dark circles under his eyes been there all day? Surely Sirius would have noticed.

“Would you lot shut it?” Remus snaps, and then halts, as if realising what he’s just said. He presses the heels of his palms to his eyes, rubbing at them tiredly before sagging back against the pillows. “Sorry,”

Sirius is instantly concerned. He and James have stopped fighting, James is posed awkwardly above Sirius and Peter is blinking at Remus in a somewhat confunded manner. James straightens up, sits back on his heels and clears his throat. “S’alright Moony. It’s coming up to that time if the month isn’t it, it’s been awhile,” James’ voice is repentant. “Sorry mate, should have realised,”

“It’s fine,” Remus sighs tiredly, picking up his book again and opening it, although Sirius notices that his eyes aren’t focused on the pages.

James and Peter settle cross legged on James’ bed, heads together and no doubt plotting some shenanigan or other, but Sirius feels no inclination to join in. There’s an unpleasant heaviness settling in his chest. He picks himself up off the floor and sprawls out on his own bed, deciding maybe he’d have a go at that potions essay he’d intended to put off a night longer. He can’t focus though, his eyes keep sliding over to Moony, noticing the way his eyes keep sliding shut, how his fingers tremble slightly when he flips to the next page of his textbook.

He is always worried about his friend during the full moon, but Sirius didn’t remember feeling this much anxiety about it before. Maybe it was because of how long it had been since he’d last been around Remus during the full moon, or maybe it was because he felt guilty for not noticing, but now that he knows, Sirius can’t stop thinking about it. The thought that Remus was hurting made his chest ache weirdly, and Sirius rubs at his shirt uncomfortably as he tears his eyes away from his friend.

It goes on like this for awhile. Sirius trying valiantly not to stare at Remus, staring, instead trying to focus on the parchment in his lap, but never managing to do this for more than a few minutes before giving into the temptation to steal another glance at the other boy.

Remus effectively puts an end to the cycle after an hour or so by discarding his book on the bedside table and pulling his curtains shut. Sirius hears his bed sheets rustling for a few minutes until he falls quiet, and Sirius assumes he’s settling down to sleep. Even out of sight he’s still a distraction however, and when Sirius eventually decides to call it a night he’s written no more than seven words - his name and the essay title.

 

~~~~

 

“Alright Moony?”

Sirius greets cheerfully, setting tea on Remus’ bedside table. He gets a tired smile in return for his efforts.

“Thank you, Padfoot,” Remus closes his book, Potions this time, and wraps his fingers around the mug. “Careful, it’s hot,” Sirius warns, plonking down on the side of the bed, although at the same time he thinks the heat might do his friend some good. He’d been pale and shivery since he came back this morning, with exception to the still fresh and vivid injuries he’d acquired, and Sirius had already tried to wrap him in extra blankets.

Remus lifts the mug to his lips, takes a tentative sip and hums contentedly. He gives Sirius a small, yet grateful, smile that makes Sirius feel all sorts of warm and fuzzy. He doesn’t want to think about what that might mean, though he is pretty sure he knows already but isn’t prepared to acknowledge it just yet. Remus is here and safe and feeling better, and right now Sirius is just thankful for that. He scrambles over Remus’ legs, grinning at his friend’s protests of “Padfoot, watch it! I’ll spill my tea!” and flops down next to him.

“Right. Come on, teach me this Potions stuff then, I’m shit at this one,” he announces.  
Remus raises an eyebrow, he knows Sirius is actually quite good at this topic, but opens his book again and starts explaining the method to him. Sirius settles in contentedly beside him, arm brushing up against Remus’ side, and listens to his friend’s soothing voice as he mulls over the book.

Later that evening, he and Peter manage to replace James’ shampoo with a color changing potion, and his hair starts to change color to match his mood. Remus can’t help laughing when James comes out of the bathroom with bright orange hair, looking extremely miffed. The sound makes Sirius feel light, and he smiles tremendously, turning away so that James won’t see.

A few days later he gets an O in potions.

 

 ~~~

 

  
Now that he’s noticed how worn down Remus has been recently, Sirius finds that he can’t stop noticing. Sirius has always been an unstoppable force, a whirlwind of chaos and flare. He starts putting that energy to use entertaining and distracting Remus when he perceives he’s feeling down, planning daft schemes with James and Peter and dragging Remus into them. And for the first time in his life, when Remus tells him to shut up, Sirius does. Unquestioningly. James and Peter are both baffled the first time it happens, but pretty quickly they move on to complaining about how Sirius doesn’t stop talking when they ask him to. It’s not long before he becomes an expert in discerning Remus’ mood, in knowing when he’s irritable or tired.

And on those dreaded nights when Remus is banished to the Shrieking Shack Sirius finds that he can’t sleep, spends the night tossing and turning and waking endlessly, listening for the sound of Remus’ coming back in. It’s only once he does, once Remus has answered positively to Sirius’ whispered “Alright Moony?” and is wrapped up in bed, that Sirius can finally drift off into proper sleep.

It’s one such night as this that things take a turn for the worst. Sirius makes it almost to six before he gives in to the urge to completely freak out. He’s been pacing their bedroom floor for ages now, driving James and Peter mad. “What if he’s-“

“Just give him a little longer Padfoot, then we’ll go check,” James groans from the darkness behind his bed hangings. The sun is barely peeking over the horizon, but it’s hazy light is still enough to see by. Sirius looks at the clock again. “He’s never this late back,” he persists. The only response he gets is a vague mumble from James and the sound of Peter snoring softly.  
“I’m going,” he announces, half to himself, and grabs his cloak. He’s been up and dressed for almost an hour now.

The crawl through the tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow is dark and unpleasant, even as a dog. The scent of wolf and Remus is all around him, and only serves to heighten his mounting sense of dread. It seems to take ages to reach the Shrieking Shack, and what he sees when he does makes his blood run cold. Fresh blood streaks the walls and floor, leading a scarlet trail to the next room. Sirius changes back into himself, heartbeat pounding in his ears, and stumbles through the door, eyes raking the room for Moony. It doesn’t take long to find him.

Remus is lying on the floor, clutching at his side and moaning weakly.  
“Moony,” Sirius gasps, dropping to his knees by Remus’ side and reaching out to him. Remus flinches away from his hand, curling into himself with a groan. He’s barely conscious, and even in the dim light Sirius can see the blood oozing through his fingers. He feels nauseous. The whole scene seems surreal, like something straight out of a nightmare.

He forces himself to get a grip, to focus on what he needs to do. With a little shuffling, and a lot of apologies and curses about forgetting his wand, Sirius manages to sling Remus over his shoulder. He’s barely out of the door when he sees Prongs galloping up the path, Wormtail perched on his head and clinging to one of his antlers. They manage to sling Remus over Prongs’ back, and by some miracle keep him there while they race as fast as they can back to Hogwarts and Madam Pomfrey.

~~~~

After that night Sirius is unusually quiet for awhile. He needs some time to think, to mull things over. The memory of what happened replays in his head over and over, like a photo reel stuck on loop.

Those first few days, they all spend as much time as they can in the infirmary with Remus. He’s shaken, but recovering just fine, and is never short of a smile when he sees them coming. Even when Madam Pomfrey declares him well enough to return to the dorms, Sirius can’t stop fussing over him, making sure he doesn’t have to strain himself for even the slightest thing and insisting on bundling him up in plenty of blankets.

He starts to become anxious when they’re apart, when he isn’t sure that Remus is okay, can’t see him to make sure of it. Remus acts exasperated when Sirius insists on taking care of him, but he doesn’t try to stop it, and Sirius knows that he doesn’t really mind.

When Sirius can’t sleep and sneaks into Remus’ bed at night the other boy simply moves over to make room, lets Sirius take his hand in his own, or if he’s had a nightmare, pull Remus into his arms and breathe in his scent to calm down.

As the weeks pass Sirius finally manages to ease up and becomes his old self again. He can’t help being a little over protective of Remus still, and despite the other boy’s protests of being fine, Sirius doubts that will change anytime soon. It’s become habit to remind Remus to eat, to bring him food from the kitchen when he’s studying late, and to remind him of his warm cloak and scarf when they go out. It makes him feel better to be able to do these small things for his friend, to keep him safe while it’s within his power to do so.

It becomes normal, too, for Sirius to reach out and take Remus’ hand, for him to meet Remus beneath the Whomping Willow as Padfoot the morning after the full moon, and for Remus to crawl into Sirius’ bed with him when they get back. A part of Sirius is thrilled by this, the part of him that has developed some very non-platonic feelings for his best friend, yet another part that Sirius is vehemently denying. Sirius has no shortage of bravery, but when it comes to Remus, he doesn’t feel ready to confront those feelings just yet. If James and Peter notice anything they don’t mention it, James is just as happy to kick two of them out of bed as one.

~~~~

Sirius isn’t altogether fazed by Remus’ presence in the bathroom when he goes in to brush his teeth one night before bed. He’s already tossed a casual “Heya Moony,” his way and started towards the sink before anything unusual registers in his head. When it does he stops dead in his tracks, feeling a flush creep up his neck. Moony is leaning against the countertop, gazing into the mirror above it with a pensive expression. More unusual than that though, he’s shirtless. Sirius has never known Remus to sleep without a t-shirt, even in the stifling heat of summer, and he hadn’t particularly thought on it until now. Right now it was very much on his mind because dear Merlin, Remus was gorgeous. And Sirius was very much in love with his best friend right now, holy _shit_.

Remus startles at the intrusion, throwing a panicked glance at Sirius and then visibly relaxing when he sees who it is. “Padfoot,” he sighs, quirking a smile. It fades quickly however and it takes Sirius way too long to realise that it’s probably because he’s still staring. He forces himself to move, to walk to the sink and somehow miraculously manages to raise his eyes to Moony’s face. Which is equally as gorgeous and kissable as his chest, but at least Sirius has managed to desensitise himself to that by now.

What he’s not altogether used to is the expression of shame that he sees there. Quick as a flash Remus swipes his shirt from the floor and pulls it on, refusing to meet Sirius’ eyes as he turns for the door. “I’ll see you back in our-”

“Wait, Moony!” Sirius grabs his friends arm, and Remus stops dead. Sirius is confused to say the least. He wants an explanation as to what’s going on, why Moony is so upset. Had Sirius’ staring made him uncomfortable? But surely that couldn’t account for how ashamed his friend had seemed when he noticed Sirius looking.

Sirius gives his arm a gentle tug, turning him back around so they were facing each other. “What’s the matter?” he implores quietly, wishing Remus would look up from his feet so Sirius could read his eyes. Remus huffs a soft breath, rubbing at the back of his neck and scuffing his foot on the tile. “Nothing Padfoot, honestly. I’m just tired,”

Sirius frowns. It’s not like Moony to hold back when he’s talking to Sirius, and he realises that maybe he shouldn’t pry if his friend really doesn’t want to tell him but... If Remus is upset because of him, he needs to know.

“Come on Moony, talk to me,” Sirius reaches out and takes Remus’ hand in his, lacing their fingers together. “It’s only me,” he squeezes his fingers, and is relieved a moment later when Remus squeezes back. Remus finally looks up and meets his eyes. He looks mildly embarrassed, his cheeks flushed, and Sirius can’t help thinking how good it looks on him.

“It’s silly really,” Remus admits, after a beat. “It’s just, my scars, I don’t really like people seeing them. Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you, Padfoot, it’s not important,”

Sirius is confounded. Sure, he’d noticed they were there, the vivid red and faded silver lines hadn’t been easy to miss, but they certainly hadn’t registered in Sirius’ mind as something negative. Of course it upset him that Remus was hurt in the first place, but it’s upsetting him a lot more currently to think that Remus felt he needed to hide his beautiful body. Out of shame.

“Moony you can’t seriously think they’re - Merlin, you’re bloody beautiful!” Sirius bursts out incredulously, staring at Remus in horror. It’s only when Remus blinks in shock, red creeping into his cheeks, that Sirius realises what he’s said. He starts to stammer but is saved when Peter shuffles through the door, toothbrush in hand and smiling cheerfully.

“Everything alright?” he asks when he sees them, and Sirius let’s go of Remus hand, rubbing at his burning neck. His heart is pounding. “Yeah. I’ll uh, I’ll see you back in our room,” Sirius manages, and flees before he had to explain himself. It’s only when he’s settled in bed and James is telling him his newest plan to get Lily to go out with him that Sirius realises he’s forgotten to brush his teeth.

 

~~~~

 

Thankfully, Remus doesn’t bring up what happened in the bathroom the following day. As this trend continues on to the next day and the next, Sirius almost forgets it ever happened. It’s February now, but the snow has yet to melt, resulting in a very cold Remus crawling into Sirius’ bed the morning after the full moon. He’s shivering and red cheeked, and doesn’t protest in the slightest when Sirius pulls him firmly into his arms under the covers. On the contrary rather, he presses tight against Sirius’ chest and sneaks his freezing hands under his shirt to warm them.

Sirius gives a startled gasp at the icy touch on his skin and Remus laughs breathily. “You tosser,” Sirius accuses, but rubs his hands over Remus’ back to warm him anyway. He nuzzles Remus’ hair in what he thinks is a subtle manner, inhaling the heady scent of wolf and pine and parchment that always clings to the other’s skin. Remus hums contentedly.

His shivering has mostly subsided by now, and suddenly, Sirius is struck by how much happier Remus is these days. Sure, he still goes through hell every month, and he still has days where he’s tired or withdrawn or grouchy, but on the whole he’s much better. For Sirius, Remus had always shined brighter than the rest, but it was when he was happy that he really glowed.Those were the moments that Sirius lived for.

“Padfoot?” Remus’ soft voice barely disturbs the early morning calm.

  
“Hmm?” Sirius hums, stroking along his back absently.

  
“Did you mean it?”

  
Sirius frowns. “Did I mean what? Is this about the dragonpox prank? We’re not going to actually-”

  
“No.” Remus interrupts, and the hesitance in his voice causes Sirius to pause. “I mean what you said in the bathroom, when you said that I... that I was...” Remus sucks in a quiet breath, and Sirius can feel his heartbeat racing beneath his fingers, and his own heart picks up in answer.

He clears his throat, scrambling for words in his suddenly nerve wracked brain. “I mean, well, you’re not a bad looking bloke, you know, not that I...” Sirius swallows. It was now or never. “Yes. I meant it.” He hesitates, and then the words come flooding out all at once. “Moony, I-I really bloody like y-” Sirius doesn’t get to finish because before he can Remus has reached up and sunk his hand into Sirius’ hair and is pulling him in for a kiss.

It’s soft and gentle and everything Sirius ever dreamed it would be, if not more. He feels like he’s flying. When they finally part and Sirius opens his eyes he’s met by the sight of a flushed and breathless Remus smiling up at him. “I like you too Padfoot,” he huffs on a laugh, and his eyes are molten gold and shining. Sirius grins.

“You interrupted before I could get to calling you a total, bloody pra-“ Remus elbows him hard in the side so Sirius yelps, and then they’re both laughing, and Remus is dragging him in for another kiss.

 

 ~~~~

  
The next morning at breakfast Sirius reaches across the table to snatch a piece of toast from Remus’ plate, and presses a quick kiss to his lips when he turns to protest. “Bloody finally,” James exclaims, and Peter groans, fishing a couple galleons out of his pocket and slapping them into James's waiting hand.

 

 

 

 


End file.
